Sheep and Wolves

Tonight I wonder, while I most definitely should be sleeping, am I more of a sheep in wolf's clothing or a wolf in sheep's clothing.

First of all I should be sleeping because I've been up for almost 40 hours dealing with 3 surprise missions. Lots of praise to my soldiers for how well they've done, as always. I couldn't be prouder of them.

Everyone knows the phrase "wolf in sheep's clothing." At times I feel I could be that. Other times I feel I am more the opposite, a sheep in wolf's clothing. Two years ago I would have unequivocably stated that I was a sheep in wolves clothing. Nowadays I'm not so sure.

There are times when a man has to throw off all courtesy, good nature and kind action in angered pursuit of justice, the truth and the defense of the innocent. As philosophical as that sounds the simple thing is that sometimes it is right for a man to be angry and show it.

Some of the most quoted examples are the soldiers defending their country. I would rather state that even God himself used his anger as a tool for the betterment of his beloved creation, mankind. Between the global flood, the Israelites wandering in the desert, tax collectors' tables being turned and many other examples, time and again God didn't put off his anger as something to hide, but a tool to use at the right time in the right way for the right reasons.

One of the books I'm reading is Wild At Heart by John Eldredge that speaks about the wild nature of a man's heart. John states that adventure, danger and even anger are things that men have been created with for a reason and they shouldn't hide those things. There is a place in the world for sure things that is distinctly lacking in today's American culture.

When is the right time to show anger though? Certainly not all of the time and certainly with discernment. This leads me back to my question. Am I more of a sheep in wolf's clothing that brings out his anger only when needed? Who at heart is a kind, gentle man who would rather not have to bring out his anger, but throws it on when it is most needed? Or am I a wolf in sheep's clothing that always stands ready to fight, but when needed throws on the kind and courteous nature that calms those around him.

Which is my nature and which is the disguise brought out during times of necessity? Most recently I've found more battles to fight than hearts to win, which makes me wonder, is my nature changing to a state of constant readiness for battle? And if so, is that a good thing in preparation for the next road in life God takes me down, or is it bad. . .

Attempt #1

This is my first attempt at writing a blog. I've tried journals in the past but to no avail. For this first blog I thought it would be good to write about my thoughts on my present state in life, namely as a platoon leader of a precision targeting intelligence team in Baghdad, Iraq among other things.

At 2am on a sleepless night on the first day of December in my chu on a small base in Baghdad I sit here attempting to break into a world that seems to be sweeping my generation. I wonder if I'm worth reading and realize that I write this not for anyone but myself, and maybe one day my children.

Every day I find a new challenge to overcome, a new obstacle to conquer. How do these situations keep finding me? Was it because I once asked God to send me challenges because I arrogantly thought I could take anything on? Because I believe I'm better in stressful situations than I am in relaxed ones? Are those suppositions really true?

I then find myself wondering if what I'm doing here is really worth it. Am I really making a difference? If so then for whom? For the people of Iraq? For the people of the United States? For my team? For myself even? Some days I unequivocally believe I'm making all the difference in the world, that the world would not be better without my efforts. Other days I believe the world won't even notice my efforts. Which is the truth or are they both true? What can one man do in a world of chaos and violence? Better yet, why do I find myself so comfortably in such a world?

I assume that most people ask themselves the same general questions at some point in their life. Why am I here? What was I made for? Will I do a good job at what I was made to do? Will it even matter? I find myself asking all of these questions and realizing that the answers don't matter to me. I trust my God, my instincts, my team, my family and my friends.

The facts. I'm a 1st Lieutenant in the US Army. Most of what I do is classified and will never make it into this blog or any other website. I am currently deployed to Iraq as a platoon leader. I am a brother to Paul, a son to Dennis and Carolyn, a nephew to many, a cousin to many, an uncle to Aubrey, a friend to many, a grandson to Harold, and a leader to a few. I graduated from Talawanda High School and Cedarville University both in Ohio. I studied International Studies, History, Political Science, Public Administration and the Bible. I won election as the Vice President of College Republicans at Cedarville and participated in many organizations. I enjoy reading, watching movies and tv shows, some video games, spending time with friends, shooting weapons of various kinds. Blatant dishonesty, misplaced priorities, and needlessly repeating myself annoy me most. I would love one day to hold a political office, have a career as a federal field agent, be married and have 2-3 kids. I've never been able to continue blogs or journals and so I hope to make this one last through deployment.

If you've made it through this first post I applaud you and ask that you encourage me to continue. I can't say when my next post will be due to my irregular schedule.