Finding my heart

Everyone these days has some sort of advice for me on my love life. Everything from "marry that girl" or "you should ask her out" to "never get married, trust me" and "why get tied down by only one girl."

I've always relished advice. Especially considering that the way I learn things is to see someone do them so I can do them also and adapt them as necessary. I've been learning that that's not the case with the heart. No one, no matter how similar to me they are or how much they care about me or if they're related to me can show me what my heart wants to do.

But without any direction on what I should do, I'm lost floating in the breeze as I desperately attempt to find meaning and purpose in the choices I think my heart is making for me.

When I feel lost like this I turn to logic and reason to guide me as common sense has proven a useful ally in this endeavor. But logic and reason aren't what governs the heart. Nor does the heart, as I've learned, always do the opposite of logic and reason. There is no clear cut guide to help me make the biggest decisions that could change my life forever.

The biggest one I find right now is whom I should date and ultimately marry. I've been hurt so much in the past that I don't even know if the feelings my heart seems to be having are true or just a fantasy that will pull me into yet another spiral to break my heart all over again. And everytime I pray about it I get a different answer. Does that mean God wants me to decide and He'll make it alright in the end whatever I choose? I always expect Him to answer with "wait" but recently He hasn't.

I always want to make the right choice no matter what the question is, but in this there's no way to determine what the right answer is. I can't even say where my life would go whichever choice I make.

It's like I'm floating in the breeze and I don't know how to touch down again and start running. The paths are laid out before me, each just as inviting, logic, heart-tugging as the others, but no way to determine which one I should take. And I know and can see there's no going back once I choose a path.

Which is right? Which path should I choose? Which choice should I make? What should I let my heart decide?